Wednesday, November 05, 2008

10 Reasons the Vols Should Hire P. F. as Coach

10 Reasons the Vols Should Hire 'P. F.' as their New Head Football Coach:

[Since the season is still under way, the true identity of 'P. F.' should remain under wraps.]

1. P. F. is a Tennessee guy. He has previously played and coached at Tennessee. His heart is not just about money and winning at all costs - it is about the Vols and the Big Orange Nation.

2. P. F. has 17 years of head coaching experience in the toughest division of the toughest conference in college football.

3. P. F. has a national title to his credit. How many other available coaches can say this?

4. P. F. has proven to be one of the best recruiters in college football. He has consistently brought some of the nation's highest rated players to a fairly off-the-map location.

5. P. F. has run a program which, by all appearances, has stayed out of the kind of infractions other big schools have dealt with. While some have criticized his handling of disciplinary action with players, he has been fairly consistent and has sent several extremely talented players packing for rules violations.

6. P. F. has one of the highest winning percentages among any active head coach (in the aforementioned toughest division of the toughest conference.) While P. F. may not be Bobby Bowden or Joe Paterno, he has demonstrated some similar resiliency in his time as a coach.

7. P. F. has never suddenly left his team in the middle of the night for a 'better' offer. (Okay, maybe there haven't been those kinds of offers...)

8. P. F. has put countless players into the NFL. In fact, the NFL has come to view P. F.'s soon-to-be-former team as a good place to scout for talent.

9. P. F. already hates Steve Spurrier and is hated by Steve Spurrier.

10. P. F. will become available when his duties expire with his former team later this month after a game against Kentucky, and he would likely work for below market value (he might even work for free since he is coming off a $6 million buyout.)


Jared Bridges said...

OK, I've figured it out. It's no real secret that P.F.'s last name is Chang, and I'm not sure he's all that qualified.

A mean plate of szechuan chicken does not a football coach make...

Colby Willen said...

But lettuce wraps can take you a long way...