Standing in line to vote today I began to pick out the Kerry voters and the Bush voters. It was easy, actually.
The nervous ones are voting for Bush; they have everything to lose and they care. The carefree ones are voting for Kerry; their cares are fewer because they have little to lose, and so they think, much to gain. The Kerry voters are wearing wind-surfing gear, Red Sox hats, and playing air guitar. The Bush voters are wearing business suits and are anxious to get to their banking jobs.
The SUV drivers are voting Bush, too. I know they're SUV drivers because they keep anxiously looking to the parking lot to see if their SUV's are performing malicious acts while unattended in the parking lot. The Kerry voters are taking off their leather driving gloves as we stand together in line.
I make a joke about voter intimidation to test the waters. The Bush voters laugh. The Kerry voters try to ignore me as they look through their Democrat handbooks for anything that might actually be voter intimidation. The rain was certainly intimidating, but accusing God of voter intimidation is going to be difficult even for liberals.
The couple ahead in line who are speaking French must be voting Kerry. The guy in the cowboy hat is voting Bush, and he speaks Texan. The soccer moms are driven to madness - "Do I vote for national security or for government healthcare?" they ask themselves. The woman behind us with the unshaven legs is obviously voting Kerry. Oh, wait, Nader. The priest in the other line must be voting for Bush.
The elderly seem to be happy just to be voting. There are plenty of comments about the big turnout. Of course, this is Alabama. Senior citizens are voting for Bush whether or not they've been Democrats or Republicans for the past 90 years. The South is still a century away from voting for a liberal.
I see Kurt Cobain, Mary Poppins, and John Wayne ahead of me in line. They must have responded to Sean Combs' efforts to get people to "vote or die." I wonder if they have valid ID's.
The entire process took only 75 minutes. That's 15 minutes faster than a failed attempt to renew my tags the previous day. Success!